The sun was out, and today we discussed Positive Psychology.

…Which is great considering how crappy I felt last night. Although our guest lecturer was having happiness issues of her own at that moment (circumstantial issues), I was able to pick up a few bits of information that helped my mind get back on track.

No matter how cheesy the concept of self help to me is, sometimes, all I really need is someone to save me from my own drowning perspectives, carry me up, and show me that there’s a greater way to see the world and to live through the day. Sometimes, I just need that kick (or nudge) to get me going.

After 2 weeks of studying non-stop, I was so disturbed to find myself in a state where I didn’t really have to do anything immediately. I was just lying on my bed, doing nothing. Obviously, I forgot the art of bumming, but I was so bothered by it, all these creepy, little thoughts started crawling through my head.

Okay, not creepy, but profoundly… unsettling. It’s one of those times when after going through such a busy period, you get this chance to stop for a bit, then wonder, “What have I been doing with my life? Who am I becoming?”

I particularly liked one of the quotes shared in our Positive Psychology lecture. It came from John Lennon:

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

And as we all know by now, I hate change. Which is weird because I want so much to have full control of my life… but at the same time, I’m scared to step over the boundaries. I can see that they’re expanding, but I’m afraid to move. I’m afraid that one wrong step will ruin everything and I’d end up caged again. I don’t want to be caged again.

I call it my own balancing act. Do I even know how to balance? That, I’m not sure.

But I feel so much better now. I know I have a lot to work on. I’m currently not satisfied with myself, and I’ll get no where if I just sit around doing nothing. I have to be patient. Things won’t happen right away… and that’s the hardest part.

Patience, patience, patience. And more reflections like these. I don’t know why, but writing really just makes me feel more… like myself.

And it’s true what they say, happiness is a choice. It doesn’t mean smiling, laughing and being so out-going all the time. It’s subjective well-being. Right now I’m feeling content.

Right now, I’m feeling happy.

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