Thesis Diaries Day 160: I still won’t find this funny in the future.

So this is me. Right now. Bruised and battered.

!@#$###&^$%#$#

!@#$###&^$%#$#

But I need to fight. Or die trying!

“This. Is. Spartaaaaaaaaa (a.k.a my thesis)!!!

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Help!

If you currently read my blog, you’ll know that I’m sentimental.

And because I’m sentimental, I tend to take big occasions (and okay fine, as well as the little ones), seriously. This has often led to disappointments which I don’t like to linger on as much because my biased brain is always set on trying to remember events in the nicest way possible. The problem with being sentimental is that planning events, like birthdays and holidays is a pain because hey, I want it to be special, but I don’t know how to make it special!

My 25th birthday is coming up.

Okay, you might say that it might not even be considered as a super special event, not like an 18th birthday, or a 21st. But I’m turning 25. I feel like I’ve reached the official beginning of the age of maturity. I’m no longer will no longer be in my younger twenties. I’m a quarter of a century old!

Part of being sentimental is making a big deal out of things.

I want to remember my 25th in a nice way. So I’ve been thinking about things that I can do. Sky diving was originally the plan, but because of a) not enough money to afford it because of a spontaneous trip to the Philippines and b) my partner in crime is a bit too heavy for the sky diver’s liking, then maybe I ought to do something else.

Some of my ideas were:

1. Doing the Auckland Harbor Bridge climb

2. Snorkeling with sharks in Kelly Tarlton’s

3. Sailing Yacht cruise with lunch around Auckland Harbor

 

At the moment, I’m more into option #3. After all, Auckland is the City of Sails, sailing could be fun!

Or I can just treat myself to a massage.

Or maybe I can do both.

 

Hm. This turning 25 business is tricky!

Any bright ideas, let me know! xoxo

High school never ends!

I am in my twenties- the age where one starts defining himself or herself as a capable individual; the age for further developing talents and building careers; the age for self-exploration and world-exploration; the age where one tests the limits of the heart… or psychologically speaking, the age where in the brain starts to fully develop (and so everything about one’s identity becomes relevant and memorable for the 20-something year old brain).

It’s the second week of the New Year, and it seems that all my friends are marveling at the passage of time. I am not an exception, I too am continually amazed at how much we’ve all grown. Recently, I’ve been in touch with my high school friends, and catching up with them seemed like opening a window to an entirely different world that had gone by. Suddenly, we were back in the high school cafeteria cramming stories and gossip over recess- the girl who got pregnant, the play boys, the successful models and businesswomen, the couple getting married, the long-time couple who split up, and the old crushes… who turned out to be gay.

Shocking!

And when I think about the high school girl that I used to be, I feel extremely overwhelmed! I was so different back then. For one, I used to be highly self-conscious. I used to care about little things that don’t matter much to me anymore. True, I am still more conscious than my other friends, but I guess I’ve learned to be comfortable in my own skin. I was never the popular girl- I was the nerdy, awkward, teacher’s pet kind of girl. I found it hard to talk to the other kids because I fear they’d judge me. Now, it doesn’t seem so shallow anymore. Now, I don’t feel the need to be ‘cool’, whatever that was. *winkwink*

Now we are moving on. We are building our careers, we are traveling the world, and we are meeting new people everyday. We have different experiences- some people I know are already getting married, some of my close friends are planning to move out of the family home soon, some have traveled numerous countries in the past year, and some have given up their day jobs in order to build up their businesses. Meanwhile, I am in grad school, and am on the way to getting my registration as a practicing Health Psychologist! I’ve kind of accepted the fact that I probably can’t move out anytime soon yet- what with the thesis and pre-internships and all, but that’s okay- at least I get to save more and remain in the house to pester, I mean, be a guidance to my younger brothers (especially in their teen years!).

To each, her own. It’s just amazing seeing and hearing about all the other girls who went to the same high school as yours, and learning that they’ve established totally different, and oftentimes, better personalities than their younger selves. We’re all out of our green and beige uniforms, and now making our own way around the world!

Now I can’t wait for the high school reunion! 😉

 

Things I learned while my Mom was in America.

My mom went away to visit our relatives and family in the US for roughly 3 weeks, and she just got home today. She joked that she had wanted to go home already because it had seemed like we didn’t need her anymore. I’m pretty sure we still do, as my brothers and I breathed a sigh of relief as our tasks and chores can return to normal volumes again.

I was especially stressed when Mom announced that she was leaving on the exact same week that our end-of-year exams were happening. To be frank, I am very uptight about my studies, and I have these study rituals which keep me locked up in my room the whole day, only going out for basic necessities such as food and water. For the majority of my days as a student, my parents have indulged me with these sacred study times because they know that the grades I got really mattered to me, and I would have a hissy-fit if I got anything lower than an A-. I still maintained my usual chores, like washing up dishes, and folding all the clothes from the laundry, but they’d allow me to do the minimum amount required (I am realizing how silly I might sound, being so pedantic over my study rituals).

So when we found out the dates that my mom was set to leave, I was in a state. And that is actually an understatement, because it feels like I have never been in so much stress and anxiety all my life (I could be exaggerating, but honestly, that was how I felt). Luckily, one of my younger brothers were better at the kitchen compared to me, and so he took the task of preparing lunches for everyone, and cooking dinner. I volunteered as an assistant cook while my exams were underway. My other brother took care of the laundry, and the youngest had to start doing his own shifts for the dishes.

We managed quite well, if I say so myself. One of our main objectives was to make sure our dad experienced the least stress possible, because when something ticks him off, everyone suffers the consequences (and Pops if you’re reading this, you know we love you!). I’m very thankful I have 3 good brothers- whilst imperfect (as I know I am), everyone did their jobs (with a little prodding from me sometimes), which leads me to some of my realizations:

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Celebrating a Momentous Occassion.

Celebrate with me? Because I finally passed my restricted license test!!! Haha, it’s a very big deal for me, because:

a. I failed the first time, and today was my second attempt;

b. I can finally save up the money I usually spend for driving lessons and;

c. Passing the test was a major goal of mine for this year (it’s been 5 years since I got my Learner’s license!)

I feel so accomplished. I’ve put that off for such a long time! And to think that I passed in very bad weather as well! Thank You God! So now I’m just chilling with these driving-themed songs… I’ve spent a lot of time hyping myself up, and visualizing, and applying all those cognitive behavioral methods, and relaxation techniques I’ve learned in class! Haha! Mindful driving, that was the one. I tried to stay as aware and at the same time,
calm as possible! I had internal monologues, and at one point, I had to stop myself from singing the “We did it!” song from Dora the Explorer when I managed to do a reverse parallel park!

Asides from Dora though, I had other artists lined up to either inspire me, or congratulate me when the day comes…and this was the day!!! I’m so happy!

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